just choose again 🫶🏼

Ohhhhhh hold up this is juicy…. As I’m sitting perched at my kitchen island with a glass of red (?????) wine…. I haven't drank red wine since after I finished university. I'm pretty sure I over did it by starting in grade 12 and for the next 5 years of my party girl days and so when I started drinking again after a long hiatus followed by an off and on relationship to it… I only drink white. However, I won a bottle of red at work and it’s a summer evening and I went aw let’s have a glass with dinner and maybe write??? i love channeling carrie bradshaw.. Anyway as I was saying….as I’m sitting here finishing dinner and having a quick peruse on socials, I saw a post that said something that deeply hit on such a wonderful perspective I have around why people don’t want to change and it all comes down to shame, and I would love to rid the entire collective of staying in that feeling because it’s truly the worst and keeps us SO VERY BEYOND limited in our human experience andddddddd is rightfully at the very bottom of the emotional/energetic frequency scale for a reason. The limitation it puts on us keeps us right where we are until we decide we absolutely want more for ourselves so I guess it serves its purpose in feeling the absolute lowest so we can experience the polarity of that. Lemme explain.

The post said “some people never change because changing would mean admitting the old version was a choice.” like damn. D A M N. I love it so fkn much because honestly as I navigated the breakup I went though 2 years ago for like…a year of diving deep within myself, I found myself observing that of course I questioned everything and sought out all my curiosities and wanted clarity and put a lot of my energy into really truly learning about what I was experiencing, very consciously, but as much as people told me “oh you must be so hurt by him” or “how could he do that to you” blah blah, all I found myself thinking and feeling was that I very much understood why he did what he did, I could see the patterning and the conditioning that lead him to where he went and for that reason I thought “ya well makes sense that he did that… doesn't make it OKAY but like I get it and I see him and I feel so sorry for him that he’s hurting sooooo much that he had to move the way he did”... so it felt really easy to forgive him and not spend much more energy in that, so that I could invest the majority into forgiving myself…. oof. I had to forgive myself for the ways that I bypassed my intuition and my knowing at the expense of being seen. Juicy right.

And although that’s the space I spent more time in, rebuilding the trust in myself and my connection to my power, not once did I ever actively beat myself up for the way I chose to move. Because at the time I worked with what was in my conscious awareness, and as I learnt more and got much deeper with my truth, all I could think was “okay glad I know that now” and I'd move differently with said information. Rather than telling myself oh you should have known better, or I can’t believe you did that you should be ashamed… like hi friend, we’re all human and are having a totally human experience and unless I was repeating the same thing over and over and over again and expecting something different, then why would I be mad at myself for being fully in this experience and expanding along the way. Because the gal that navigated every step of that journey is absolutely not the gal writing this. Nor is she the one that started that journey…or who pivoted every few months basically I’m just forever expanding and allowing my awareness to grow and with that, so there’s kinda not much room for shame because as long as you’re as committed to growth as I am, with a balanced appreciation for the present moment, you are quick to recognize how if you didn't move different it’s because you didn't know different.. And when you do, you can do differently at the next opportunity that presents itself. bBecause I promise you it will indeed present itself. I think it’s even more nuanced in that also because some people really are aware of what they’re choosing, they just don’t know WHY. And that’s the kinda work I spent a lot of time doing for myself, which naturally allowed me to understand other people at the level that I do. So freaky actually I remember asking my mentor/witchy aunt how you develop psychic gifts and she said from deep connection to self.. And at the time 2 years ago I went “hm wonder if I’ll ever get there…” to now being the deeply intuitive psychic lil baddie I am. Time is precious. So it seems that it’s more when you understand WHY you’re making the choices you’re making and get to know all the corners of your soul, that’s when you start to go “ohhhhh I get you now babes. All good. Let's shift some things, ilysm.” And as far as the lack of growth part this quote so beautifully highlighted, a LOT of people don’t do it because they’d rather stay comfy cozy in a shame spiral than admit they had a responsibility in their own choices. Because if you take on that responsibility, it comes with forgiving yourself for choosing things that weren’t serving you at the time. Which can be tough, I’ll be the first to say it!??!?! But I'd MUCH rather allow myself the space for my humanity in going “it's okay babe, I see you… and now who do you wanna be from here?” which feels a fuck of a lot more empowering than the other option of talking down on myself, shaming myself, telling myself I should have known better… and until something is actively truly really right in your conscious awareness, you DON’T know better. You just know comfortability. And you aren't actually even comfortable… you’d just rather stay in suffering because it’s familiar, rather than take a risk where you don’t know what’s gunna happen. But the way I SEE IT…. actually one of my gfs said a few weeks ago “worst case scenario they say no..” and I was like right exactly, and that’s what you’re already living in anyway… they say no and nothing changes.. You’re literally living your worst case scenario HAHA the look on her face….. So really you might as well entertain the best case scenario because the universe rewards courage. Even if it's not in the ways we expect, it always ends up working out because you decided you want more for yourself. And along the way you get to continue to decide who you want to be from every opportunity that shows up for you. And by all means!!!! If you’re someone who wants to stay the same and be cooped up in a little box of limited space around you where you don’t have room to grow and shift and change and expand and create MORE, be my guest, I however, will be forever choosing the path that has me in a state of expansion because I continue to give space for my humanity and allow myself to integrate the awareness I gain overtime. I take accountability for the choices I make and show up for the ways they play out, because they are always that, a choice. We choose how we’re creating our lives every day and the absolute best part of that is that, if you don’t like what you’re experiencing, choose something different boo!!!! We are simply creators, creating relationships, experiences, opportunities, moments, all of it. And until you wake up to that you’ll likely be repeating the same choices just to stay where you are and if that's good with you, it's good with me! It took me a MINUTE but I no longer try to convince people to choose differently, I simply work with those who’ve already decided to do so and seek guidance on the next steps! Which is an absolute privilege and makes me jump for joy because I love being a co-creator with you ugh such sweetness…. 

Anyway I hope you find it in you to forgive yourself for past choices, so you can allow yourself to choose differently because once you do that you create a whole new world for yourself and everyone in it eeeeek how fun. Just remember you’re a human and if you spend too much time thinking you need to be perfect, you might be stuck like honey for the rest of your time here and as sexy as honey is, the stuck part sounds truly awful so let yourself flow a little more!! Choosing to stay the same is as simple as the choice to grow past it, one just requires a little extra courage and I know you’re brave. You wouldn't be here if not because clicking my blog posts is always a bit of a risk! Might be something inspiring in here 🫦 love you 

xx Sarah