alchemizing at its finest 🌶

Hello beautiful soul!! Okay as soon as I started typing this one I immediately felt like Carrie Bradshaw 🫦 because I just had such a classic self care saturday night for a 28 year old in her cutie studio apartment that included making myself dinner, meditating, having a STEAMING hot bath that was the temperature of the earths core... having the biggest cry I’ve had in months and leaning into it heavily… and then gathered my thoughts and my pjs and got cozy on the couch to write this because I really truly inspired myself. Like is that classic or what?

So funny too because having the night to myself I thought earlier in the day ‘what a perfect evening to write another blog since you already finished your assignments due tomorrow and can have a chill night’, and I had an idea for one but the way I just played my evening out for myself calls for a much juicer topic hahahaha. 

The cry is what most inspired this one and if you know me, I’m quite an emotional being but to be honest even those that don’t really know me are seeing this because in my program, I’ve done a lot of practice calls being coached and rather than having a surface level topic like most, I bring the deep shit to the table right away and my fellow learners are experiencing all sides of me as I lay it out and let the tears flow openly, and a past version of Sarah would have felt weird about that, but these days I’m recognizing it’s a super power. And I’m being reminded of that power in all the ways that I’m healing but also this is so cute - another student wrote in one of her journal reflections that we share that she’s recognizing in her coaching practice, she’s not as open or comfortable with her own emotions and it hit her when another student was tearing up on a call and said “I don’t apologize for my emotions anymore”… WELL she was writing about me hehe I said that on a call and so how beautiful is it that the power in being comfortable in your emotional body gives space for others to do the same!

But for real I can remember my sister used to call me heartless because I never cried in movies hahah, or how I would be so uncomfortable in feeling any emotions other than joy because that’s where I am majority of the time, so I would almost get mad at myself when I felt those low’s because I think in today's society, or perhaps it’s been a generational thing I’m not sure, but I personally wasn't taught how to regulate my own emotions. Even this time last year it felt unnatural to let others see those parts of me and now here I am crying in front of strangers and sharing videos on my stories of me going from a dance party to all of a sudden having a huge emotional release!? Hahaha and of course it’s uncomfortable for all of 1 second until I’m reminded to ask myself, what the actual fk are we here for if not to feel the entirety of this human experience, you know? 🧚🏼

So if I look at where I was then to where I am now, I suppose getting comfortable in your emotional body comes with spending a LOT of time getting to know your soul self and unravelling the endless layers that make you who you are… that includes all the wonderful parts of you, all the ones you adore and take pride in, along with all the shadows that you keep hidden that are deep deep down where we tend to think if we keep them so far out of our minds, they’ll somehow just go away and we’ll no longer have to deal with them…hahaha funny prank to pull on yourself if you ask me but, when you spend the energy doing that, you inevitably open yourself up to every single emotion you’ve ever felt from every experience. And it's scary as hell, it's challenging, it's vulnerable, intimidating and hard… but it’s also so beautiful and magical and liberating because when you recognize that every single experience you’ve ever had has brought emotions through your body and that has shaped you into who you are today, well… you wouldn’t be you without all of that. So give yourself some love and grace because there really is a lot to feel. 

We are here to feel it all and we each have the capacity to do so, I think you just have to work a little harder to open up to it when for so long we’ve been conditioned to shove things down. Emotions are simply neutral though, in the sense that they are just natural impulses to experiences that we have and how we see them, and therefore none are inherently “good” or “bad”.. we’ve attached our own interpretations and judgements to them that give them a positive or negative tone. I know this isn’t a science blog, although I did warn you we’d get into neuroscience at some point hehe but emotions are literally just biological signals that support us in understanding our inner and outer worlds 🥹 how cute!! I heard someone explain it once to think of your body as a train station, and emotions are the trains that are always passing through. And when you can recognize that they are simply coming and going, to send you messages and tell you something, you learn that you don’t need to identify or embody said emotion, and rather just be curious about what it might be telling you and feel into it so you can determine what to do with that information moving forward. 

The craaaaaziest part, and what I find so juicy and interesting and I’m still working my way through reading The Body Keeps the Score where it deep dives into this, but when you resist or suppress emotions like sadness or anger or any others that we’ve given a negative tone to, it remains in your body and stores as energy because you essentially don’t let it pass through the station (you and your body) and it creates internal tension & stress, and emotional dis-ease manifests as disease. 

Anyway the point of this one, and I’m not sure it’s very “sex and the city” but personally I find emotional healing sexy as fk!!!!!, is that leaning into all of this over the last year or so has brought me an abundance of inner peace and I’m so comfortable in my emotional body, being able to listen to what it’s telling me and giving myself the space to discern what feels right to me, not what my brain - who only knows past experiences and the same repeated thought patterns therefore tries to protect us & keep us safe (lets visit that one later 🤓) - thinks I should be experiencing… so please feel it all and be curious about yourself you little angel soul being because I promise you that you will feel lighter and more aligned as you navigate this wonderful crazy human experience in its entirety!!!

Instead of shutting my laptop and lighting a cigarette to walk the streets of new york I’m just gunna go to bed and listen to the rain in vancouver so… thanks for reading always, adore you!!!

xx Sarah