surrendering ego into the infinite 🫦

Hi love bugs!! Can I just firstly say that, I’m quite obsessed with how beautifully welcoming I’ve made this space for myself because my first narrative as soon as I opened this document to write was “ouf it’s been a while I’m not showing up here much lately”... until I then immediately clocked that that was actually my second thought because moments before I opened it I went “eek I’m excited to channel something juicy!!” and so really ... we simply serve ourselves SO much better when we sink into the initial soul narrative and not the ego narrative that’s chiming in from the back seat, constantly trying to reaffirm or create any lingering sense of inadequacy it possibly can. Actually that’s perfect, I had literally no plan of what I was going to share in this space tonight, I just know as soon as I start, it flows through effortlessly, but I wanna kinda dive into that. Before I do though, a little commotion for the gratitude I feel for every single read, website browse, referral or cheerlead moment from the wonderful souls in this space because it’s been around a year since I started bringing my brand into fruition through my vision and ideas and thoughts, which has become this wonderful internet expression of me and I just am so here for it all hehe 🥹

Okay so on the topic of ego….shall we unpack how the subconscious works because I tell ya, I have learnt SO much in this last year truly but it’s like every month is exponential growth I can barely keep up with myself.. kidding everytime I learn or hear something, it's really just a sense of remembering. I feel like before I incarnated into this lifetime my soul was sitting in a velvet lounge chair sipping mocktails thinking “ya we’re gunna do it all real hard n fast, potent lessons along the way and the full spectrum experience so that when you do wake up and remember, not a single illusion will ever get in the way in continuing what you came here to do”... I feel like I came to master sovereignty and intimacy through love at the deepest level which is so fun because whilst I’ve been diving headfirst into that in the last year, I’m now holding that space for others to lean in with me. And to fully surrender to your souls desires, it takes ego death after ego death ☠️ If you haven’t done many of these human experiences, the weight of change and death and surrender literally feels life threatening. For me personally, I seek change. I flirt with my shadows. I seduce reality and shape it into what I desire because I recognized early on that we actually are the creators, and my job is to disrupt fear and amplify love. So naturally I have to master it on a personal level to be able to support the collective. By no means would I consider myself a master yetttttt, but on several micro levels, I’d say I’m pretty fkn rooted in truth, love and integrity and that feels like a fun and solid enough ledge to build off of 🧚🏼

The piece about ego is so juicy because if you don’t have the conscious awareness or knowledge of it, it’ll be mostly running your entire life from the driver's seat. Once you make the unconscious conscious, and are able to notice when it’s your ego narrating versus your soul (and of course there’s all the other parts of us that try to have a say in our lives – for another post perhaps), you can spend more time discerning what’s right for you and what feels more aligned before you listen to the part of you who's fearful of any situation or outcome that's different than what you’re currently experiencing, no matter how uncomfortable or misaligned it may be. The ego isn’t necessarily your enemy though. It’s basically our personal avatar in this game of the human experience, the identity construct that allows you to operate in this dimension without getting swallowed into the infinite….hahahaha SO it allows you to hold onto identities, likes/dislikes, differentiate your soul from another and build relationships rather than merging into oneness. Which tbh I’m here for. Soul merge or bust babyyyyy 👽🫦 But it’s constructed over time and builds its own identity based on our upbringing, childhood experiences, societal conditioning, traumas etc.. and since most of the subconscious is deeply conditioned by age 7 or so, the ego then continues to strengthen itself and confirm its own identity through actions, habits and behaviour to prove itself right. Like, you know when you flippantly say things like "told you that would happen" or "watch me fk this up"... you're literally confirming the sense of inadequacy that you're operating from and it's not serving you in any way heheh. Because in a poetic sense, the ego's not real, and so the thing it fears the most is its own death, which happens through the soul awakening to its spiritual experience as a human!!! How tricky!! But it doesn’t ever fully die, because we need a healthy lil amount of ego that we can integrate into the experience and use to discern with our soul where to use and place our energy and power.. It supports us in holding that power without arrogance, take risks without fear keeping us stagnant, boundaries without guilt and identity without separation. It works FOR our higher self/soul self as a devoted steward perhaps, rather than overriding the soul as the saboteur. 

That’s where mastering and fine tuning the balance is important as fk.. Because I’ve learnt as a high level empath there is power in knowing how to zoom in and out enough so that you’re not focused too tight that you miss the big picture, but also not too far out that you miss the details of the scene. The shadow side of your ego being that when left in the driver's seat — which is honestly the majority of the collective, but not to worry because we’re ✨ shifting  ✨ — it’s absolute fav thing to do is cling to identity and safety and comfort. Until you've been given the tools to learn how to regulate your nervous system and reinstate your heart as the master of your being, you'll be operating mostly from fear for the rest of your unconscious life.. on autopilot, not even conscious to the fact that you’re unconsciously living....🤯🌀 which is on a biological level, its wired in your cells, meaning that when met with challenge, conflict, change, alternate perspectives etc, it feels life threatening and your body goes into fight or flight… meanwhile it’s simply just ego threatening but because you identify SO heavily with the exact state of awareness and being that you’re currently in, your entire physiology acts as if you’re under threat and there is a whole cascade of symptoms that follow. But we can change this because we're infinitely powerful and inherently abundant beings...... 🥹

Isn’t that SO FKN interesting. Like honest to god when you zoom out a lil, humans are quite silly in the way we keep ourselves constrained and in the tight golden grasp of our own fear. Hahahahha it's laughable, I can’t help but giggle which really supports the whole “it's not that deep” narrative, because yes it’s all deeply meaningful and the devotion to your experience is admirable, but once you surrender to peace and freedom by allowing for everything you’ve ever known up until this point, to simply dissolve so that your heart and soul self can take back the wheel and lead from a place of curiosity, excitement, trust and creativity… since that’s everything our nature entails, you have a much more enjoyable human experience and can let go of the suffering you're actually keeping your own self in a loop of! Hehe just because you chose to believe some stories and narratives. It can be tough to have that mirror held up but trust me (whilst you’re in the business of cultivating trust lol) the liberation you experience in letting the universe create with you, rather than trying to control every goddamn outcome under the sun, is unparalleled. 

Ugh I have so much more to say on this I could ramble about it for hours, literally a gf and I went to the beach the other day and talked about this kind of stuff for almost the entire 8 hours we were there. You could say I’m passionate about seeking freedom and coming back home to your authentic and inherent state of being, which is unconditional love 🥹 but I’ll save some for later, or for when we work together to unravel what it is you’re maybe not seeing quite yet but curious about… I’m so excited to continue creating with you hehehehe love you!!

xx Sarah