you can't fall for someone you haven't met 🫦

Hi from my cozy couch on a balmy june summer evening ugh have i mentioned recently how much i LOVE summer. It's unfathomable I genuinely couldn't love something more. All winter long I dream about summer, sometimes from Mexico which makes it a little easier and then all summer long I just don’t stop talking about how much i love it. I’m so curious if I'm just in a YEARS long phase or if I’ll ever change my views because I started adoring this season deeply after high school I’d say and it just continues to intensify. So who knows but I can't currently imagine a world where I don't want 11 out of 12 months of the year to be summer. I think I could be fine with fall for a month. Anyway this is so boring sorry, i have something truly fascinating to yap about tonight and naturally, brought upon by some juicy experiences i’ve had in this last week that have me thinking this is probably worth sharing for anyone wondering what deeper connection might be like, or is it even possible when you might not yet have it… 

In the last week, i have been asked out twice by two perfectly random strangers, once at the gym and once at work and the part that i came away giggling at so hard because to me it makes zero sense at all, for some they’re all over it, but neither of them even asked me my name before going on to tell me im radiant and they’d love my number to hang out…………. ???????!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!! I actually laughed out loud when i thought of it after and what’s almost funnier is the second guy ended up asking my name after i kindly said no thank you, and he welcomed the rejection and then we laughed about something and he introduced himself to me….. I was like sir I fear we did this a little backwards but alas have a GREAT EVENING. Hahahaha ok so let me give some context on how i’ve gotten here because trust me when I say, I applaud people and am forever in favour of putting yourself out there and shooting your shot, I’ve quite honestly done it myself plenty of times and I think it’s so important to do so!!!!! AND being where I am along my cutie sweet journey of my human experience, I have developed a certain standard for connection and have built some very strong ones along the way, and therefore know what it takes to cultivate it. Paired alongside being an intuitive and deeply tapped into the energetic world as well as having a firm grasp on semantics and being able to read people very well….I don’t second guess myself anymore when it comes to connection. 

It requires understanding….patience…curiosity, trust, vulnerability. It doesn’t matter what kind of connection or relationship we’re talking about, whether it be romantic, friends, family, work, etc.. relationships are relationships and of course there’ll be different dynamics but they’re all built on the same foundations. And I've navigated a loooooooooot of them in all areas of my life, all with intentionality because truly as far back as I can remember, I've always valued connection with others. So naturally as I did a deep dive into the spiritual side of our human experience the last few years, I've studied my relationship with myself that has allowed me to look at and become very aware of those with everyone in my life. I’ve let go of ones not serving me, I've taken responsibility for where i wasn’t showing up how i wanted to, I've learned how to communicate myself in a way to allow for deeper connection where I desire it, and how to assert myself and my needs with clarity because as humans we have the ability to feel everything, but that doesn’t mean we know everything and can assume where another may be at without being told. I love clarity so so so so os ososososooo much, I’ve never been a fan of games, I don’t want to skirt around what’s left to hang in the ethers, so it makes me a curious girly pop. and it also makes me emotionally brilliant. Hahah she’s humble. Because I think to be one who masters that you probably also have spent a lot of time in spaces or relationships where there wasn't clarity. So you learn to read what's not being said, and for me personally I spent enough time unconsciously studying it before getting to a point of ok COOL that’s really helpful however I don't want this for myself anymore. So in all the relationships in my life I’m pretty direct in asking for more from others and I do it in a really genuinely curious way that allows me to understand them and their worlds, and whoever wants to offer more clarity and let me in, simply allows space for intimacy and well, I love that for us. 

A friend of mine recently pointed out how funny it is that if I’m bantering with someone, they’d probably see that as flirting like most people do, meanwhile that’s me just being a silly goose because if I'm genuinely interested in someone I go into curiosity mode. Banter isn’t serious to me and I’m quite intentional.. and again there’s nothing wrong with it. I'm just looking for something beyond that hehe and if someone were interested in me I’d want them showing it. Not just telling me because if we’re being so honest, asking someone out you just saw for the first time just means they think you’re physically attractive… because you don’t know anything else at all about them and I find that fascinating because yes attraction is essential but I just prioritise them differently! The two times this happened the last week both of the guys just approached me by only complimenting me on my appearance and then asking if I’d want to give them my number and my whole body just goes 🫠🫠🫠 !!! because while I'm flattered, I truly am. I think it’s sweet to say nice things to people, but personally that doesn’t earn you a spot in my contact list. Especially if one of them first asked me at the gym if I knew anywhere he could get a protein smoothie and I told him there’s a body energy club directly across the street like, you can see it from the window, and he went ‘no way that didn’t show up when i googled it’ and I thought rightttt I believe you!?!!?! Google must have missed that one!!....... Followed by him then waiting for me out of the bathroom (!!!!)  to circle back and ask if I wanted to hangout as he’s only in town for 2 weeks and so this being the energetic part I read into, because you already shared that you’re only here for a minute and are down to just hangout… some people might be down for that, I simply am not and both are perfectly fine! I honestly think that someone who is serious about connection isn’t in a rush, they’re sincere, they say what they mean, and they are able to read a situation well and lemme tell you that me pointing out a smoothie spot and immediately putting my headphones back in and returning my focus to myself with no further eye contact doesn’t give “she’s interested” hahahahha. Not that I’m shitting on this guy, I wish him the best and smiled at him the next 3 days he lingered around the gym LOL, but someone in that energy just isn’t where I’m at is all!!! 

My reflection notes that I want to emphasize are simply that connection requires a lot of us. And depending on what you’re looking for, omg this actually brings up something a gf said today and only highlights the importance of actually knowing what the f you’re looking for???? Because she’s navigating a few different types of relationships and asked me something to which I said I think you just need to be honest with yourself about what you want babe??? And she went I have no idea what I want I'm being given so many variations!!!! And me just writing this right now thought ‘duh no wonder, when you know what you want and are seeking specific things, the universe meets you with clarity versus when you don’t have a clue, then you just get shown everything because it's like “oh you don’t know?? me either here's a whole bunch of stuff you can try on!!!”’ hahahahah and from my experience in that era you get to be with them all and then go hm well I know I don't want xyz, so then it’s a weeding out process that allows you to narrow in on what you do want. Sharpen your standards and be specific because even if you haven’t experienced a level of connection you’re seeking that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You just got clear on it and it takes a minute for your reality to reconfigure around you and deliver. My goodness we’re such powerful creators okay so anyway, I just got really fkn specific after experiencing a whole buncha relationships of all sorts in all arenas and obviously I continue to explore and shift my desires and needs but there are a handful of core qualities and things I look for in connection that are non negotiables for me. Since I’ve weeded them out from experiencing them, I can spot them really quickly if they show up where I used to second guess that discernment, and I love having the level of trust in myself that allows space for genuine connection with nothing but the deepest intentions yay! I don't know if this is at all helpful to read or offers insight but I feel I could write forEVER on being able to read people and connection and intentions etc…. Connecting with myself in the ways that I do allows me to experience that with others and that's a hoot! Access to me is a privilege and I know that because of the ways I've allowed myself all the way in, it takes a lot of courage to know yourself, to be honest with yourself, to heal your patterns and communicate your needs, and to keep your heart open through it all. So no, a stranger walking up to me and asking for my number after 30 seconds isn’t gunna cut it for me although I truly applaud the courage it takes to do so!!! 

I'm not looking for someone to impress me, perform for me or chase me, I just deeply value curiosity. Ask me something, get to know me, show me how your mind works, what you care about, how you move through the world. Because to me what’s attractive and the most magnetic isn’t someone who wants access to my world, it’s someone who is genuinely interested in who I am within it. And this might sound specific to partnership but it is also my standard for friendships as well because how I do one thing is how I do everything.

And I think that’s my point of this ramble is that the more you get to know yourself, the less interested you become in being chosen, and the more interested you are in whether or not you can mutually show up to learn and understand one another. So anyway thanks for reading as always, grateful you’re here soaking up my words and letting them simmer or spitting them back out, don’t care either way but I DO CARE about you forever choosing yourself first and trusting yourself enough to meet what feels aligned and honest!

xx Sarah