the way we meet each other 🍒

Hello love bugs! What a sweet sweet July morning I’m writing from with a cup of coffee on the floor of my studio. I honestly have to remind myself all the time how cute my life is and I take myself back to my teenage self navigating high school and every time I watched Friends I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to be an adult and have my own place and have my friends over and go for dinners or nights out and walk around my city and run into people I know and just have this beautiful and intentionally curated life that I was so in love with. And as I’m constantly on a journey of expanding and evolving I continue to actively remind myself I’m living that. Naturally I’m working towards goals that are always shifting and changing but like what the actual fk I’m so very grateful. I also read a part of one of my recent posts the other day and reminded myself how beautifully I spill words onto pages. And what makes it beautiful to me personally is that it just feels so honest yet eloquent.. Perhaps it’s my 5th house mercury in virgo but the creativity paired with my meticulously sharp words just does it for me you know?!?! Hahaha she’s humble. 

Okay anyway I had an interaction a week or so ago which was then followed by a post I saw that highlighted the same theme and thus this blog is inspired by… I’ve touched on it before but it's just so juicy and as my desire to share my thoughts and feelings strengthens, it feels more fun to write about. This one feels important as always because I truly truly truly have felt such a shift in the way that I connect and relate to others over the years in the best way as I've altered the way I SEE connection. For context… I started a shift at work and my coworker had already told a table I’d be serving them and they were talking about astrology and so she told her I’m so into that world etc, and so when I came to introduce myself this gal went on about it with me and I was like yay fun I love it too!! And I pointed out her her scorpio rising makes sense as she had this intensity to her appearance that was sharp and also dark, like strictly just her physical appearance!! So it made sense to me!! And she went on to talk about how she loves that she feels intense and that a man recently told her she looks scary and that he felt intimidated and she replied with “good you should be!!!” and said to me that she loves when men are intimidated by her, to which I simply replied “ouf I don't!! They just try to humble you from there and that’s not fun!!” and then I went on to be in my own energy and noticed as I served her and her friends that she got so short with me and completely pulled her energy back from our initial interaction, and I just kind of giggled to myself because naturally I love to observe peoples energy towards me... And THEN I saw a post that said “I'm convinced some men don’t actually want a dream girl, they want a woman that never challenges their patterns. But that’s literally my favourite hobby”...........

Whilst the first sentence I do in fact agree with, but I'd even add in that it applies to men and women because quite frankly a LOT of the collective doesn’t want to be challenged or grow past the current version of themselves… however the part about that being your favourite hobby had me reflecting on how there was once a version of me, who didn't last very long because I quickly felt the discomfort that it had me in, who did indeed love to challenge anyone more committed to being right than expanding… until I recognized the exhaustion that comes with said hobby. Hahahaha so I dropped it pretty quick as I got curious about it. So perhaps this provides a shift in perspective in the ways that we relate to others because when you’re in a place of constantly wanting to challenge others, you take on the responsibility for them to change and grow and I can PROMISE you form someone that took that on for a few hot minutes of my life, it gets truly exhausting. 

You want it for them more than they might want it for themselves and all that does is drain the freaking life right out of you. 

And don’t get me wrong it can be gratifying to know that you can see something bigger for someone, but no matter how clearly you see it it doesn't mean they will. And alongside learning this I've gained a LOT of patience because being able to see different timelines or versions of someone else’s life, and trying to force them into it when you actually have zero power or control over that becoming the one they find themselves in is a LOT of work, that could potentially never have a payoff… and I decided I’d rather put that energy into my own space while simply letting others navigate their free will. Which is definitely also tricky but a lot more freeing and peaceful. Because somewhere along the way I recognized I wasn't even necessarily trying to help people grow, I was becoming attached to whether they did or not. And those are two very different things. 

In a similar sense that if you find yourself wanting people to be intimidated by you, all that brings into the equation is fear, and the relationship between you and someone else being rooted in fear never creates an authentic and genuine connection because it’s built on a foundation of lack. Anyone who wants others to be a little scared of them or intimated simply translates to wanting certainty that they won’t leave. 

…..OUF.

When you’re scared of losing someone you’ll do anything you can to keep them, even if it means bypassing your own intuition or autonomy. How can I be so sure of this you ask???! Because I lived it. Being in a relationship with someone who I adored and admired deeply, which was of course reciprocated, neither of us had fuuuully fully met ourselves yet and therefore even in small ways had been living from subtle little wounds that were still healing. And I never for a second will not be grateful for that relationship and the ways it was such a beautiful space for me to walk back home to myself, within it and even more so after it ended, I was so scared at the time of losing someone that I held in such high regard, and was so grateful for, that I ignored a few intuitive nudges that were telling me there could be more.. That there could be different. And whilst I was busy trying to remain in the energy of believing that it couldn't be better than that, I was also navigating how to maintain the confidence in who I was while being challenged by someone who of course cared about me, but in small subtle ways was trying to keep me at their level of awareness when all I wanted was expansion. And I was simply more committed to growing than staying in the same place hence why things ended, because he was more committed to staying where he was and naturally, people will want to keep you there with them so they don’t have to be alone in it. Neither of us were wrong, just no longer after the same thing! I became so aware of that agenda and it doesn’t feel empowering or light or freeing to be in that energy once I'd experienced what it’s like to be completely out of it. So in a nutshell, someone being intimated by your strong presence and power and ability to see more, to want more, and to be committed to being more.. will have them subconsciously trying to keep you right where they are, and all that does is invite resistance and fear into the space between you and that person and THAT’S NOT A COMFY PLACE TO BE IN! If you ask me.. personally. It creates a dynamic of fear and lack and you can’t evolve in that space. Your self love and courage has to be stronger and that’s sexier than ever lemme tell you. 

The point that I made in my other blog was that I don’t want people to fear my power, I simply want them to be as confident and assured in their own unique power that they can be inspired by mine. And whether that’s a friendship or romantic relationship or whatever it may be, because knowing yourself and your value, and being rooted in who you are, allows you to respect that others have the same inherent value that can just be expressed in its own ways. And when you live from that place you don’t have the desire to fix or change or want differently for anyone else because it doesn’t dictate your own worth. So I guess moral of the story, learn how to fkn love yourself so you can stop projecting your lack of it onto others bahahaahhahahahaah. 

But perhaps that’s what I've been integrating all along. That connection isn’t built through force, it’s built through invitation. Through curiosity. By becoming so deeply deeply rooted in who you are that others feel permission to become more of themselves too. That’s all I'm looking to create in relationships. Where neither person needs to become smaller for the other to feel bigger. THAT is power without force and nothing but sex appeal comes from that amigos. I absolutely adore working with those that have a hunger for more paired with the willingness to seek it out and I’m simply obsessed with the trust I've built that those seeking it always find me!!!!!! Thanks for being here, thanks for reading, thanks for being you!! 

xx Sarah